I am sure I mentioned it before, but about a year ago, I found a psychologist, right here in our little town. The best part was she is a specialist in dementia and ran a program for dementia patients at a local hospital until it merged with the other hospital. She has been a Godsend, believe me. It gives me a place where someone understands and can give me ideas of how to cope and for me to help those around me cope with my FTD.
At my last appointment, I was discussing my frustrations at getting my husband to understand the effects of this disease. It seems the one we discuss at every appointment is how he overloads me with information or interrupts me when I am focused on something. The result is that I end up blowing up at him and then I hate myself because of it.
After my husband picked me up from her office and we were making the short trip home, it came to me! Notes!!! He is the king of post-it notes anyway, so maybe that would be a way to reach him. I made up signs here on the computer in a font to make the letters almost an inch tall.
The first was: "One Thing at a Time!" This really sums up all the issues, but puts it right there. Because he is trying to focus on this problem anyway, when he overloads me, I wait a little while and then explain what he did. The most recent example I can think of was a couple days ago when I was outside doing some weeding and trimming. He came out to help and then started explaining that our grass clippers had broken last year and did I want him to go to the hardware store to get new ones. I said that we would need new ones but I didn't care if it was right then. So, he asked again in a different way. I snapped and said, "Please, just do what you want!"
That leads to another sign I made, "Say It Once and Don't keep Repeat." When he does that it only succeeds in getting me to tune out because it is too much information. The other one in the same vein is "If I Wave You Off, Stop Talking!" My husband is a true Type A personality and, until he retired, was a busy healthcare executive. Have you heard the adage "Explain it 3 times, in 3 different ways." He has always followed that. I could never have worked for him, I don't think. I guess he needed the other person to look him in the eye and say, "Yes, I understand that you want...." But as usual, I have digressed. When he starts telling me something more than once, I would find myself making the motion of trying to erase the chalkboard to stop the unnecessary information. That used to frustrate him, but when I explained why I do it, he understood and stopped getting frustrated when I would do it and he really does stop talking.
Then the other big one: "Do Not Talk to Me When I Am Cooking!" That one is taped to the microwave above the stove. I have a propensity to grab pans out of the oven without a mitt, forgetting how hot they will be. I have burned potholders by laying them on a hot element. I really need to pay attention to what I am doing. Plus, I usually make up recipes as I go. To follow a written recipe is next to impossible for me, but I have gotten even better at throwing things together and figuring out what herbs and spices would go well with what I am cooking. Problem is, I can't repeat the same dish again, but that's okay.
I am sharing this because it is working for us. I can't wait until my next appointment with my psychologist. I am sure she will be proud of me! I can not promise this idea will work for everyone, but it sure is worth trying. The reverse type of signs, reminding me to do certain things is next on my agenda.
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